Driven to Distraction.

The Lindon Method advises distraction as a form of mental-health therapy. Should a distressing thought come into your mind, then do some algebra, philately, or bird-watching.

In my mind, I call this Self-Constructive Behaviour. Most people respond to the injustices of this world with Self-Destructive Behaviour.

"Oh my, something traumatic has just occurred! This is the end of the world! I must go down the bookies/pub/fast-food outlet and gamble/drink/eat myself into oblivion."

Very few people ever say to themselves:

"Oh my, something traumatic has just occurred! I am going to diaphragmatically breathe through my nose; relax for about fifteen minutes and then do some algebra. I really enjoy the buzz that I get when I solve a problem: a real dopamine(1) rush, and, unlike the dopamine rush obtained from gambling, this is totally free. Also, I am increasing my employability, as there is a worldwide shortage of mathematicians."

What needs to occur is a simple brain rewiring. Every habit is a wiring of the brain. The brain - much like a computer - builds itself a set of circuits, but instead of these circuits comprising copper wire, they comprise biological tissue i.e. neurons/brain cells.

Trauma is a stimulus, and - in and of itself - cannot do any harm.

As Shakespeare wrote in Hamlet:

Nothing is either good or bad but thinking makes it so.

Mentally ill people - my self included - have hardwired our brains into a negative response to what we perceive as a negative stimulus. But this need not be so.

I see Self-Constructive Behaviour as a type of do-not-get-mad-get-even strategy. If you perceive there to be an injustice, how can you rectify it if you practise behaviour that destroys your health every single time that that injustice presents itself? What did Bruce Wayne (2) do when injustice robbed him of his parents? Did he become a drug addict; a gambling addict; an alcoholic? No, he chose to perfect both his mind and body so that he could fight back against injustice.

All habits require effort for them to be broken. Indeed, I can talk a good game, but, very often, when a traumatic experience occurs I huff and puff and over-eat. However, I am now aware of this, and I am at least trying to correct this.

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 (1) 'Dopamine' is a neurotransmitter that allows brain-cells to communicate with each other. Dopamine causes feelings of achievement and well-being.

(2) Batman. 

Hardware, Software, Operator Pt. 1: Good Nutrition.

The mind is a marvelous contraption. I tend to think of the mind in terms of a computer: the hardware is the brain; the software is the mind; and the person operating the software/computer is the soul.

Good mental health consists of tending to all three areas.

Let us take them one by one:

The Brain, The Machine Itself.

The brain is an organ of the body that feeds off oxygen (O2) and Glucose (C6H12O6).  Just as with any organ of the body, nutrition is important. I stumbled upon the importance of good nutrition as a role in sustaining and boosting mental health quite by accident. I am a traditional Roman Catholic, and, during Lent, I undertook the traditional fasts of the Church. The weight fell off me during that time, and , as Kate Moss once said: "Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels."

Of Late though, I find myself, very often, to be too mentally or emotionally exhausted to fast on Fridays and Ember Days and the Days of Lent, and the weight piled back on. I fast whenever I can, but, admittedly, this is not very often.

I was admitted into Mental Hospital in Winter 2011.  Whilst there I noticed that bowel movements had become extremely difficult indeed. For months afterwards I needed recourse to strong laxatives.

Once, whilst back at home during an incredibly difficult bowel movement, I said to myself: right, that is it, I am purchasing that Alicia Silverstone Book from Amazon. Silverstone - you may remember her from such  films as Clueless (1995) and Batman and Robin (1997) - has written a book on becoming a vegan.  Here is the Amazon Link:

 http://www.amazon.co.uk/The-Kind-Diet-Simple-Feeling/dp/1609611357/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1390938524&sr=8-1&keywords=alicia+silverstone


To be honest, I have only skimmed through it. It reads charmingly. It is almost as though Cher from Clueless wrote it in places, and I mean that in a complimentary way.

I am trying to cut down on meat. Alternating between meat-free days and carnivorous-feasting days. My constipation has resolved itself, and I have not taken a dulcolax in months. It is on meat-free days that I feel at my most energetic and least depressed.

I hope to gradually become Vegetarian/Vegan. I shall do it in stages as recommended by Mz. Silverstone. Cut out red meat - especially pork - and then chicken. Be a Piscavorian (1), then a vegetarian, and then vegan.  I managed to be vegetarian/piscavorian for a whole week, but I live with a very carnivorous family, and constantly slip into my meat-eating ways.

Good diet is important for good mental health. I shall continue this article later.

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(1). The term 'piscavorian' comes from the Latin noun 'piscis' meaning 'fish' and the Latin verb ' vorō, vorāre vorāvī, vorātum,' meaning 'to eat.' A 'piscavorian' is one whose diet consists of fish, but no meat such as beef, chicken, pork etc.

Whatever Does Not Kill You is Hypochondriasis and Not a Real Disease.

The term 'Hypocrite' comes from the Ancient Greek 'Hupokrites' meaning actor.  The hypocrite pretends to be virtuous but is a private sinner.  He acts out a virtuous life so as to gain praise from others but in secret he is every bit as depraved and debauched as the people whom he condemns.

I used to think that the term 'Hypochondriasis,' the medical term for 'health anxiety' was related to the word 'hypocrisy,' in the sense that the imagination acts out the symptoms of the feared disease.

I consulted en.wiktionary.org and, unfortunately, the two terms 'Hypocrisy' and 'Hypochondriasis' do not share a root meaning at all.  The term 'Hypochondriasis comes from the Greek preposition 'hupo' meaning 'below' and the Greek noun 'chondros' meaning 'cartillage.'  The ancients believed that the mental disposition of Hypochondriasis had something to do with humours, or vapors emanating from the soft part of the body below the cartillage and above the navel.

Hypochondriasis is the number-one affliction at the moment.  It has crippled me and has led to other ailments which are a direct consequence of suffering from Hypochondriasis.  I have developed a chronic agoraphobia. Agoraphobia is the fear of leaving the house, or travelling too far from home.  I have not left Monaghan in about a year. I have not left Ireland since 2011. Before I relapsed into chronic Hypochondria, in 2008 & 2009 I travelled to Switzerland, and back, on my own. Now I fear to leave Monaghan.

The thing is, though: there is really only one illness/injury whose acquisition I fear.  The illness/injury in question is brain damage.

I would probably - God forbid! - prefer to lose all of my limbs, than to have brain damage visited upon me. If some day it should happen that I must lose all my limbs, I do not think that I would be depressed for that long.  I could still lead the intellectual life. I could learn to write using my tongue like Stephen Hawking.

The ingestion of Mental-health tablets causes me huge concern in this regard.  Mental-health medication works by altering neurons in the brain.  A tablet that I am taking at the minute, Seroquel/Quetiapine is known as a dopamine antagonist. It blocks dopamine receptors in my neurons such that they can no longer receive the neurotransmitter dopamine.

Have you ever won a game of snooker? Have you ever won money on the horse? The euphoria that you feel is that caused by dopamine. Dopamine is the brain's reward chemical. If you do something good or useful the brain rewards you with a rush of this euphoric chemical.  I get my dopamine fix, primarily, from playing videogames and solving Mathematics problems.  Whenever you should happen to learn a skill - even a practically useless one in the instance of playing videogames - the brain rewards you with dopamine.

If you should happen to copulate with a woman, the brain, again thanks you for the marvellous act of passing on your genetics to posterity with a post-coital rush of dopamine to go with your cigar.

But dopamine is not all good. Too much of any chemical - even dopamine - can be bad. Too much dopamine can leave one feeling too self assured; too confident in his own abilities; too impulsive.  The mania in manic depression is caused by an excess of dopamine. I have experienced this myself.  A couple of years ago, I ran away to England on a whim.

I have lost the thread of what I was talking about.  It should suffice to say that I worry a great deal about the changes that medication brings about in the brain, and that this worry is a major source of my hypochondriasis.

Update

I just thought that I would give the 63 people who viewed my blog on the subject of living with mental illness an update. No, I am not dead. Thank God. However, I am a lucky one. One of my acquaintances, a man of about sixty I would guess, has killed himself. He walked into a lake.

I keep my mind occupied with mathematics, video games and drawing. I have since given up alcohol almost entirely. One of my friends convinced me to have a glass of whiskey at the weekend, and this was a pleasurable experience. Many of my peers in the mentally ill community take to drinking, smoking and gambling unto the entire ruination of their health. To be one of the 0.01% of people who actually heal from mental illness and begin to lead semi-productive lives; perhaps hold down a menial part-time job, say, I need to avoid the pitfalls of others. I do not desist from drinking smoking and gambling out of a sense of Pharisaical pride: in my experience, people with mental illness ought not to do these things.

There is a public house in Monaghan Town called Jimmy's.  It is the Tavern of choice for those Monaghonians afflicted with mental illness. To behold the clientele of Jimmy's is testament to my belief that Alcohol and mental illness do not mix. The women patrons in particular have lost all self respect such that somebody once remarked:

"Jimmy's should have a red light hanging outside of it!"

I have given up smoking. Hypochondria has its benefits! I entirely enjoyed the ritual of smoking cigarettes, but now I detest the mere whiff of tobacco smoke. I have been off them for about two years now. I found the Alan Carr book on the subject most helpful. He takes every single myth concerning the supposed pleasures and benefits of smoking, and demolishes them one by one. After reading the book one says to himself:

"Why am I needlessly inhaling the residue of combustion?"

I have begun listening to The Lyndon Method Compact Discs. These C.D.s are excellent. They are visualisations and breathing excercises that can arrest a fitful spell of rumination.  I have included the Kakariko Village Theme from The Legend of Zelda: a Link Between Worlds as a suitable lullaby.

I have begun listening to music in 3/4 time or 6/8 time. I heard a woman on Youtube say that lullabies have the power to ease the mind into a meditative state.  Through experience, this seems to work.

That is enough of an update for now. See yiz later.

Contact Us

Being King Lear, I am, of course, employing the royal 'us.'  This web-log, at present, is a solo effort.  For the purpose of this web-log our contact address is kinglearblog@outlook.com

And I Shall Sleep at Noon

I see a total of 10 people have viewed this web-log.  Hooray!  I am not a good web-logger.  I am a good tweeter.  I am not a good writer in the sense that I am inconsistent.  I go on a writing binge, and then I may not write anything for months.

Well, wherefore this long delay?  My psychiatrist thought that it would be a good idea if I took more medication. Instead of taking 75 milligrams of lustral (sertraline) I should instead take 100 milligrams.  I complied with his wish... well at least at first.  I am terrified that these tablets could damage my brain.  Any small twinge, or ache, and that is brain damage: I do be convinced of it.  Perhaps I am different to most of the mentally ill.  Many mentally ill people are suicidal, but not I.

"And I shall sleep at noon."

These are the ominous last words of the Fool in King Lear.  He never speaks again, and is taken to be dead.  Indeed some read into this that the Fool commits suicide.

But whereas the Fool wishes to die, I wish to live.  The best revenge is a good life, and I need to exact this revenge. To die, and to fail is to hand victory to my perceived enemies.

So, anyway, after about a week, I stopped taking the increased dose, and reverted to the original.  But such traumata as these knock the stuffing out of me for weeks, nay: months!

And the problems, which necessitated my taking an increased dose persist.  It is probably not an exaggeration to say that they have even worsened.  My hypochondria is the worst it has ever been, and my thoughts are filled with cursing, obscenity and self-loathing.

"I hate my fucking self.  I want to hang myself."

These are the sorts of semi-involuntary thoughts that course through my brain.  Of course, I do not wish to hang myself, at all: but sometimes the thought of my dangling at the end of a rope gives me a perverted sense of relief.

I discovered a wonderful diaphragmatic breathing application on my Smart Phone, today.  I shall provide a link, anon (soon!)

A Bat Credit Card!!!????

I feel like this, internally betimes.  I love comedy: it is as a drug that keeps me just-about sane.  Where would King Lear have been without the consolation of the Fool?